Breaking the Silence: A Counselor’s True Story of Family, Trauma, and Healing
It was some time ago that these parents came to me. The father and mother sat before me, their faces weighed down by a heavy, anxious tension. Seeing how overwhelmed they were, I gently started asking questions to understand what they were going through.
As we talked, their family background slowly came into focus. They have only one son, who is now 23 years old. He graduated with a degree in Software Engineering and that too with quite good marks. But what had deeply shattered those parents was his current reality: he refuses to step out of his room. He doesn't go to work, won't talk to anyone and stays locked away from the world.
His only coping mechanism during this time had become excessive eating. It wasn’t just a matter of a plate or two. He would eat as if driven by a stubborn, desperate compulsion. At just 23 years old, his weight had skyrocketed to 140 kilos. You can well imagine just how intensely he must have been eating to reach that point.
“What will become of my son’s future? Why is he acting like this?” - such fears and constant tension were all that these parents carried with them.
When I asked about their professions, I learned that both of them work in the academic sector. The father is a Higher Secondary School Principal, and the mother is a High School Principal.
After talking with them and offering some initial comfort, I asked them to bring their son along for the next follow-up session and sent them off. Exactly a week later, they returned, and this time, their son was with them.
When a Young Person Finally Begins to Speak
First, I asked the parents to step outside and wait, while I sat down to talk privately with him.
When I asked him about his childhood and school days, he slowly began to open up.
“Madam, when I was studying in the fourth grade, I had a lot of friends and studied well. Back then, my life had everything - studies, entertainment and genuine happiness.
One day, during a school break while I was playing with my friends, my father suddenly showed up. Giving the excuse that the school wasn't good enough, he got my Transfer Certificate (TC) right then and there and shifted me to another school.
I was made to stay in a hostel for my studies. That school and hostel were brutally strict. There was no other option for me except studying. No play, no entertainment, no friends. I was left utterly heartbroken.
Even so, I studied hard and passed my SSLC with full marks.”
He continued, his voice growing heavier.
“Deep down, my dream was to become a botanist when I grew up. But right after SSLC, without even uttering a word to me or asking my opinion, my father went ahead and got me admission for Computer Science.
It hurt me deeply because pursuing that meant my dream of becoming a botanist would never happen.
I pleaded with my father many times, but he wouldn't listen. Left with no other choice, I had to join the course. I passed my higher secondary examinations with good marks too.
Even after that, just like before, my father went behind my back, arranged an admission for Software Engineering at a different college and came back to announce, ‘I've taken admission for you at such-and-such college. Go join on this date.’
I was completely devastated.
Since I couldn't disobey his orders, I had no other option but to go and join.
When I got to college, the seniors ragged me. Not just that - under the guise of ragging, they dragged me into the bathroom and sexually abused me.
I had to endure that nightmare for nearly six months. Throughout the rest of my course, the seniors kept torturing me relentlessly.
All through those times, a deep anger and hatred toward my parents kept building up inside me.
It wasn't because of anything else, but simply because they forced me into a path without ever asking my opinion, and because I was trapped living a life I never wanted.
All that grief and helplessness turned into pure rage and resentment against my parents.”
When Trauma Changes the Way a Person Lives
When someone carries painful experiences for years without having the opportunity to express them, the effects may appear in many different ways.
Withdrawal, isolation, anger, changes in eating habits, loss of motivation and difficulty engaging with everyday life can have many possible causes. They should not simply be dismissed as laziness, stubbornness or a lack of ambition.
In this young man's case, there was a much deeper story underneath what his parents were seeing.
What appeared on the surface to be a young man refusing to work and refusing to leave his room was connected to years of suppressed anger, disappointment, loss and trauma.
This is one of the reasons psychological counselling and family counselling can be important. Sometimes the behaviour that worries a family is only the visible part of a much larger emotional struggle.
If you or someone in your family is experiencing persistent emotional distress, you can explore Healora's counselling services and learn more about available professional support.
Listening Before Trying to Fix
When he finished pouring his heart out, I explained the legal pathways available to him and asked if he wished to file a formal complaint or case regarding these brutal abuses.
However, he preferred not to revisit those painful past events or subject himself to further mental distress.
Following this, I handed him a bottle of water, gently patted his shoulder to comfort him and had him step outside.
Then, I called the parents back into the room.
I looked at them and asked:
“What do you think about the parenting you gave him?”
They replied very innocently:
“We have given him everything he ever needed. We fulfilled his wishes even before he could ask for them. We went all the way to Chennai and struggled so much just to secure an admission for him. We never let him feel any of those hardships.”
Hearing that, I spoke up quite firmly:
“Your parenting is utterly terrible. I have never seen such poor parenting in my entire life!”
Hearing this, they grew furious with me and started arguing back angrily.
Then I asked them:
“When you were doing all these things for your son, did you ever once ask him what he liked, or what his own dreams were?”
They answered:
“No. We only did everything for his own good!”
That sentence is something many parents may recognise.
Parents often make decisions because they genuinely believe they know what is best for their children. Their intentions may come from love, fear, sacrifice or a desire to protect.
But good intentions do not always produce good outcomes.
A child also needs to feel heard.
When Parents Believe They Are Helping
Next, I asked them:
“After dropping your son off in Chennai, do you have any idea what kind of horrors he went through there?”
Once again, they looked utterly shocked and asked:
“What hardships? What problems could he possibly have had there?!”
I laid out every single brutal ordeal he had suffered, holding nothing back.
When they heard it, the parents were left speechless. They sat there completely shattered, not knowing what to do.
“We never knew... he never told us...” they sobbed.
And that was the moment the story began to change.
Not because the past could be erased.
Not because the trauma suddenly disappeared.
But because, for the first time, everyone in that room was looking at the same reality.
The Moment the Family Finally Heard Each Other
After that, I told them:
“Let's call him inside.”
But I laid down one strict rule.
They were not allowed to utter a single phrase like:
“We did this for your own good.”
They agreed to it.
I called him back in.
The moment the father saw his son, he rushed over, hugged him tightly and burst into tears.
“Dad made a mistake... please forgive me, son...” he sobbed uncontrollably.
Seeing that, the anger and resentment that had been burning inside the son slowly melted away.
He hugged his father back, feeling a deep wave of compassion for him.
Just like that, the friction that had torn their family apart for years was finally confronted in that room.
I asked them to return after a week and sent them off.
Healing Does Not Always Mean Forgetting
Two weeks later, they came back to see me.
I asked how things were going.
They said everything was peaceful now, but they were still concerned that he needed a job.
However, he had zero interest in entering that software field which he never wanted in the first place.
So, we sat down together to figure out what to do next.
And we found a real solution.
I suggested that he pursue a modern interdisciplinary course like Bioinformatics or Computational Biology, which effectively bridges his background in software with his lifelong passion for botany.
He wholeheartedly embraced this idea, enrolled in a program abroad and set off on his new path.
Today, he is happily pursuing his studies and career.
The solution was not to force him into another path.
It was to finally listen to him.
The Takeaway
The core solution I found for this problem was simple yet vital - breaking the flawless image of the parents.
Because if that hadn't been done, they would never have been willing to accept their faults or understand the deep mental trauma their son went through.
True healing in a family begins only when we stop hiding behind intentions and start listening to the human being right in front of us.
Sometimes a person does not need another lecture.
They need someone to ask:
“What happened to you?”
instead of:
“Why are you behaving like this?”
That small change in the question can open a completely different conversation.
When Family Problems Have a Deeper Story
Family conflict is rarely about only one argument.
Long-term resentment, childhood experiences, communication difficulties, parental expectations, academic pressure, career choices and unresolved trauma can all become intertwined over time.
Professional family counselling and psychological counselling can provide a safe environment where these experiences can be explored without turning every conversation into another argument.
If you are looking for professional emotional support for yourself or your family, explore Healora's Counselling service or Psychology service.
Healora Wellness Centre provides an online platform where patients can explore available professionals and book consultations based on their needs.
A Final Thought
Parents can make mistakes.
Children can carry pain that their parents never knew existed.
And sometimes, healing begins when both sides finally have the courage to listen.
Not every family story will have the same ending as this one. Every person and every situation is different.
But there is always value in creating a space where people can speak honestly, be heard and begin understanding one another.
Sometimes healing begins with one conversation.
Anjali P. J.
Assistant Psychological Counsellor & Wellness Consultant
Healora Wellness Centre
